I need to learn how to tell stories again. Once upon a time I would write paragraph upon paragraph, usually with less-than-perfect spelling, punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure, about anything and everything. It used to be a lot of fun. I remember writing about things that had happened during a day, which… to most people would be boring, but I’d find a way to see them as something interesting, even if no one else did.
Recently everything feels so formulaic and repetitive. Wake up, shower, get ready, hop on the train, get to my desk, say hi to the same people, talk to the same people, do the same work, eat, work, be bored, eat, go home, shower, surf the internet and/or watch TV and/or walk, read, go to bed. Repeat 4-7 times a week. Some special days are laundry days.
These days I’m neither happy nor sad. I often feel that a lot of the things that are positive in my life are just a shadow, something that’s not really there, so I try not to take them too seriously. I feel there are deep dark secrets hiding that … I really don’t want to know about, and that’s fine.
I still haven’t really found what I love to do. There are a number of things that I like to do from time to time but everything seems to get boring after a while. Sometimes I’d rather just sleep.
I feel I want so much to change but nothing is bad enough that I want to get away from what’s comfortable. So I sit here, floating. Nearly 30 years old, feeling I’ve missed so much in life that I can’t get back, wondering whether things will get better or worse. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d rather float or if I’d rather try something, fail miserably, and become a shell of my former self.
I am trying to learn to not let other people control me, and that I can’t make everyone happy. I’m not sure I can make one person happy at this point, and that’s OK.
A perfect place for a metal show. (Taken with Instagram at Orpheum Theatre)
No one else has called me on this until last week - however now that someone can see it fairly obviously, with no way of me denying it, it becomes a lot tougher to deal with it.
(Especially when it’s basically a lost cause. FML.)
Remember when pigeons were used to deliver messages? Now they just hang out at train stations apparently. (Taken with Instagram at New York Penn Station)
Trans-Siberian Orchestra: You can never go wrong with guitar, lasers, and pyro together. (Taken with instagram)
